October 14th, 2008

Vocal Boy

Passive-Aggressive Personality Disorder

I just came across this:

"Signs and Symptoms

Passive-Aggressive disorder is characterized by stubbornness.
Postponing and dragging assignments and lack of efficiency that might frustrate other people.
In a personal relationship, or during work, when this person is asked to do something - he will reply by saying yes, but in reality will do nothing.

Unlike other psychotic disorders in which the person who suffers the most is the patient himself, in the passive-aggressive disorder it is the environment that suffers. The individual does not refuse to carry out a request, thus there is anticipation of cooperating, but in reality there are no results."

I think I've been borderline with this disorder. But my problem wasn't ignoring the task I agreed to, mine was trying to do too many tasks at the same time, then feeling overwhelmed, and ultimately loosing my momentum when another popped up. Also, I noticed, I change my mind way too much for others.

I never knew something like this ever existed and I have recently realized I was going down this path for a while. It mainly stemmed from my lack of follow thru and having way too much stuff on my plate. I like to think I can just keep piling stuff on and then come back to it, but some gets buried or falls off altogether.

Another thing I was doing, was putting certain people above my word and promise. Examples would be, telling a friend I would help them move and then being asked by my boss to work that day. Or visiting friends when I have an essay due the next day. Or not seeing family because a friend wanted to go camping. Or putting off myself (fixing the truck, doing taxes, working out)....the list goes on. It's a matter of keeping your word to others and yourself. Also knowing your limit, my biggest problem.

So, I sat down and made a huge list of the goals I made, things I've said, things I've  promised, and stuff I've agreed to do. The list is daunting and I have much ahead of me if I am to make my word worth anything again.

I wish to thank my sincere friends for pointing this out, I have learned more in the last 4 months about myself than ever before, and I am in a state of consistent(constant) change until I have corrected my character flaws. I will re-learn to be a gentleman, I will understand others, I will understand myself, and above all, I will take my time to be clear and concise when communicating.

So, from this point on (actually from last Friday on) I will hold to my word, decline if I can't do something, and eat what I have on my plate before going to get more.

I can do this and I will not stop until I am a man that holds to his word, and what he believes in.

Mark my words.
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